A Strange Little Wrap
“It is our birthright to uncover the soul—to remove the layers of fear or shame or apathy or cynicism that conceal it.”
I’ll start this off nice and light, and share the last part of my time in New Mexico. And if you want to read further to the truth of how I felt there, read to the end. ;-) I rounded out my time here by visiting my birth place! In 1978 my parents and my brother lived in Window Rock, AZ, on the Navajo Reservation. When it was time for me to join the world, they drove to the nearest hospital which happened to be across the state line in Gallup, New Mexico. This was the impetus for this whole trip to New Mexico. Since we didn’t actually ever live in this state, I have always wanted to physically trace back to my beginnings and visit the place where I took my first breaths. I only had 24 hours in Gallup, and I was able to (I think) find the building where I was born. The hospital changed hands in the 1980’s, so trying to find the original building was slightly tricky. I did my best with the historical information on their site, and the help of both of my parents, confirming it was likely the place. I also had time for a short hike, and like everywhere else I have seen in New Mexico, it was otherwordly and beautiful.
On my second to last day, I finally took a tour with my host Kata of the Holy Cross Church. It’s the church I photographed often in the mornings and evenings. Kata is an absolute well of knowledge about not only the history of this church, the art, and the people, but also the land. I wish I could have recorded everything she said, alas, see the photos below and the link to the church history above. The church was built in 1733 and the art inside is just as old and original. It felt surreal to be so close to something so completely priceless. I do remember one thing she said, and it was the best thing I’d heard in a minute. When we were standing by the art of crucified Jesus in the cage, she said, “are you going to take a picture of wounded Jesus or what?” Kata is a treasure.
I had one night with a burst of inspiration to paint. It’s included in the gallery below. It’s a little different from work I’ve done before, but there’s a tenderness and a softness to it that feels so good to me. It’s my attempt at honoring the colors, textures, and my experience of this place. I also had to include a photo of Serge! That’s the little doggie sniffing noses with Finely below. I don’t want to say his real name, because this is what we named him and I like it better. There is also a photo of his sister, who we named Maria, and they are the king and queen of what we named, Shit Alley. Shit Alley was the rocky dirt road that was behind my casita, that was named as such because of the literal shit that lined the alley. There were a handful of doggies that ran free, and I’m imagining, are the ones to contribute. It’s these gems that leave an indelible mark on my heart.
I intended to keep a weekly journal of these travels but the inspiration and desire to do so waned majorly while in New Mexico. I’ve gone back and forth on what to share about it, what the takeaway is, but I don’t know what that is just yet. And I’ve stopped pushing for it. I started this whole experience (and documentation of it) very openly and earnestly. So I reckon I’ll stay true. The truth? I didn’t love being there. I spent a lot of the time trying to put my finger on it, and there’s all kinds of factors at play, but it’s a mix of the energy of the land, the town, the heart space I was in, the state of my mental health at the time, and just life. And since life is a paradox and there are many a paradox that exist within us all, I experienced peaks of gratitude, loneliness, confusion, darkness, and light. Instinctually, I know it’s all a part of the humxn experience, and there’s no complaint coming from me. That’s just the reality of my experience. Aside from my visits with friends and loves, both new and old (for which I am EXTREMELY grateful), I was kind of miserable there. And now I know a little more about myself. Where I want to be in the world. And what it feels like to keep pushing my own boundaries beyond my comfort zone. The quote I chose to start this post is a great summary of how I feel about my travels (and my life since I’ve been awake). It’s all part of uncovering my soul. Is that something that also sparks inside you? To remove the layers of fear, shame, apathy, and cynicism? It effing sparks for me. So much so that it’s burning it’s way to the surface, each time I choose to keep going.
I’ve now landed in Nashville, TN until early March. I stopped in OKC and Memphis on the way for one night rests. I’m so grateful my fur angels are so willing to go with the flow. They sure do keep me afloat on this sojourn, and in general. This is my favorite Airbnb by FAR. It feels like a home. I love, love it, and love being in a neighborhood and city that buzzes with life. I’m not sure if I’ll document my time here in Nashville, so we shall see. I plan to work, play, and see what life is like over here for a while. If you have any questions or message of love, comments are welcome.
As always, with love,
Jessica, Finley, and Pito
